Never enough time.

Recently I've realized more and more- I love the type of people who can think beyond the immediate and discuss ideas. And I enjoy the thinking part of school. But a lot of getting by in classes is simply doing the work. And when the work is useful that is fine. When the work helps you learn that's great and expected. But when you do work that doesn't increase your ability to think and understand, doesn't develope skills needed to use the concepts and doesn't have any benifits other than giving a quantification of your "learning" in order to help the teacher grade- then I don't respect the work. And when I cannot respect the work I'm doing I cannot do it well. Looking back through my grades now and in high school there is an obvious trend- if the class helped me learn and the work aided me in aquiring that knowledge then I would have a high grade. If not- then not. And right now I'm finding even though I do learn in class the work I'm doing outside doesn't help me very much. And thus I'm trying to find some motivation to get it done because my grades will likely suffer if I cannot find a reason to motivate me. Now I'm going to go to bed. I've finished all the useful work for tomorrow and I'll catch up on the wasting-time-work after I've wasted time on the more urgent matter of sleep.

Statements.

There is a value to making statements. To communicating thoughts. Thoughts can be thought again and again however it is when they are being told that they're articulated and rethought in a new way. This process helps the thoughts be rethought, orginized and revised appropriety. I'm incredibly grateful for those who I can talk to about things worth thinking. For it is those people who help me define my thoughts and give my thoughts further meaning by removing them from the bubble of my head and allowing them weight beyond my own opinions as an individual.

I have been thinking a lot recently and I've determined it is human value which holds the greatest control over my thoughts. And knowing my own inherient values will aid and has aided me in recent thoughts as of late. I want to say I'm in love with something. Not someone but something. Some idea of goodness, some notion of hope, the redeeming values in each person and ... something more beyond the surface- some depth. I'm not sure what. But the notion of these things intrigues me and I'm obsessed with it and it holds a power over me. And somehow the word love suggests that more than any I know. This may be due to my limited vocabulary but it may also be true. I don't know. I will think more. I will discuss more. I will throw my thoughts towards my friends and allow them the power of manipulating them and tossing them back. I'm not sure how to wrap this thought up- but perhaps it needs no closure.